I think it is really hard to set boundaries for yourself but often the reason for people having depression is they feel powerless in their life. It is kind of hard to properly be there for someone when u yourself don’t have the solution and I am sure it will drag u down if u don’t know how to not take their problems on n let them not add to your own. I think it will be hard to take a step back but I think you need space to resolve why you are feeling depressed and work through your own issues. It will also not help if you surround yourself with others that also feel depressed because you will all feed off of each other unconsciously. I think you can be there and listen as long as it doesn’t effect you but if it starts to effect you then it is probably better to take a step back and explain that it is not because you don’t care but because you are struggling with similar issues and you too don’t have the answer and so perhaps they need a professional to take their issues too. None of this is very easy but you need to make your own health your priority. If you need to talk further please feel that you can come back and talk some more xxx

108 days free is amazing so well done, but something has obviously been going on in your life or the way that you think to start slipping. It happens easily when we feel overwhelmed, or start to think people think we are better, or a feeling comes along we dont know how to deal with so we cut out a bit of food and tell ourselves that will make it ok. But it is a dangerous path because it is faulty thinking and once we start it qucikly progresses. The lack of food makes it hard to think clear so lowers our ability to cope, it also makes us feel depressed and negetive and before long urges to harm surface again, and if you act on them that will increase your despair, you will feel guilty, ashamed, have more to hide and risk being further misunderstood, because peoples reaction is often frustration. Asking for help is not an act of weakness, you have no reason to feel ashamed, because you r actively trying to do something to help yourself. Is the shame attatched to wanting someone to not know u r not ok, n so u think by losing some weight they will see something is wrong? Because the only way we can let someone see something is wrong is to tell them, and in telling them you need to be prepared for a response because most people will not want you to continue down that path, so you need to be sure what help you want, if it is help to get back on track, which will mean putting the food back into your diet, or help to mannage your feelings, or skills to communicate. Aswell it is important to know that everyone is not ok all of the time, and we have to live with some difficult feelings, but recovery is worth it because it gives you choices to improve your life and make it different, when we go back down the same old path we can only be certain we will stay miserable. It is possible to continue making progress and often recovery is three steps forward and two back but we learn what the triggers r that cause the setbacks. I hope you have someone you can get support from, if not u r welcome to continue to talk to us gentle hugs Tabi xxx

I am thinking a close friend is probably not well equiped to support you, and would definately find it distressing and then feel the responsiblity to tell someone who could help you, but I don’t think you are selfish because of it. I am wondering if you know yourself, or can try to think about the reason behind wanting to tell her? what kind of response or reaction are you wanting? How will it change what you are doing?. My guess is that telling won’t make any difference because you won’t get the response you need and you will still be left with all the feelings of guilt and shame because they are displaced feelings, some about the self harm, and mostly about the real reasons behind why people self harm is to release bottled up feelings, so maybe if it is a recent thing you have started you maybe able to get a grip on stoping before it starts if it isn’t even helping with releasing feelings. Self harm is very addictive once you get started and you mannage to block everything so it maybe better to confide in a person who can help you stop, and also help you to talk about the feelings bothering u that made you start because they are in a better place to help you without it distressing them. Failing that you are always welcome to talk to us, that is why we are here. Please take care gentle hugs Tabi xxx

I totally understand why you think that telling your parents would maybe do more harm than good, I think it could help if you try to think A) what would be your main objective for telling them, ie is there a certain kind of reaction you need, or do you feel obligated because they expect you to tell them everything, do you feel it is their responsibilty to know as your parents?

B) Even if you are diagnosed with anxiety, many people have anxiety and it is something that you can learn skills to mannage, perhaps your parents are part of the reason for your anxiety, if so it will be hard to recover from it if you are constantly anxious about their reaction. Maybe this is something you need to do for yourself, and maybe there is no right way to tell them if they are parents that don’t understand.

For now perhaps you should go to the appointment and see what happens and talk with the person who is seeing u and she or he may be best able to guide you with that decision, but it is pretty hard to pre- empt what is going to happen and may just cause you more anxiety that you don’t need right now. You are welcome to come back and talk and let us know how the meeting goes gentle hugs Tabi xxx

Ok I understand because i was in a similar position when i was at school, and the school councellor is there for you and obviously knows you are depressed because you were referred to her. She probably knows the truth already as suicidal ideation is fairly common with depression, it doesn’t always mean the person is a suicide risk, for many of us suicidal thoughts is where we go to find a solution n rest our mind, but doesn’t mean that is really the root you want to take, not if you could see another solution. She will be experienced to know who to put you intouch with to help you if she can’t which is what happened to me because self harming is very addictive once u get started n can be broken if you are given skills to mannage early on. I don’t think she will tell your parents because mostly parents are not the people that can help, and are often part of the cause. The only reason she would be forced to tell them was if you threatened to end your life or you could not agree to stay safe and work with her. So I would say use her and talk to her but be careful how u word things when desperate, there is a huge difference between telling someone you feel suicidal and you are going to kill yourself because one of them she can work n help you with, the other she would be forced to alert parents and child psychi services. Of course you are always welcome to talk here too gentle hugs Tabi xxx